The Blame Game

My two are continually justifying why they have just done some sort of undesirable behaviour.  I hit her because she took my toy.  She bit me first.  I had that baby.  That blanket is mine.  I am sure that these are common phrases that all parents hear with more than one small person in their home.  I don't think this is in any way special to our circumstances.

Often I find myself acting as a referee of sorts between the two.   I determine who gets what, I make them apologize and hug, and I take away toys if a compromise cannot be reached.  Again, nothing terribly uncommon.  I am sure most parents can relate to these kinds of situations. 

I try to understand and empathize that sharing is difficult and something that may not be so natural.  We try and instil that we take ownership for our mistakes and we don't blame others.  However, inevitably whenever one of my two is questioned on their actions, blame is placed on another. "Why are your toys not put away" I ask, "because you wanted me to come for dinner" is the reply I am given.   This list is endless.

This got me thinking as to why?   We talk about mistakes and ownership for them a lot in our house, so then why is it so hard to accept responsibility for ones actions.   I continually look at my husband and say "why is it so hard for them to just say they are wrong?"  

This past weekend I got my answer.  As per the usual when dealing with me I was running late.  We were headed to the Library then to dance class last Saturday morning, like all Saturday mornings from fall to spring.  I was rushing to get my two out of the house.  They were clothed in their dance attire toting along their books to exchange at the library, dance bag placed by the door and away we went. 

The library was a fairly typical experience with me giving warnings on proper voice amplification in such places and reminders on using our walking feet.  After counting down the number of minutes we had remaining until departure time, we left the library to head to dance.  Of course, we were delayed in our departure due to watching diggers nearby, and situating little ones into seats along with proper snacks.  

We drove to town and arrived perfectly, with about 2 ½ minutes to spare.  I turned to the back seat to tell them they would need to hurry when I noticed that the dance bag which carries their tap and ballet shoes was not

in the car.  I then proceeded to give them a lecture on the importance of remembering their things, stating it was their responsibility to bring their dance bag and that they would have to dance in stockings today.

We went into class when another mom came in and stated apologetically that she felt so bad because she forgot her child's dance shoes.  I told her that we did as well, and that she shouldn't feel bad as I just told my two it was their responsibility. 

Then it hit me.  I just blamed my 2 & 4 year old for me not remembering their dance bag.  Clearly, they are a little young to take responsibility for this.  Maybe this mom needs to work on admitting when she is wrong too.